Thursday, April 28, 2011

EEG sonucuna gore

Bugun 1 yila yakin bir aradan sonra yeni bir beyin EEG si cekildi. Bir saat sonra Dr. Ari Boyaciyan'a mesaj atip sonuca bakip bakmadigini sordum. Gelen mesaji sizinle paylasiyorum;' Baktim ve hafif bir duzelme varligini burada da gordum. Sevincliyim, selamlar. Dr. Ari'
Ben de sevincliyim.

Monday, April 25, 2011

bloglar acildi, nihayet

Uzun ara verdik haliyle. Bugun Halis'e gittim, beni kesinlikle taniyor, dogrulmak istedi, oturttuk. Daha iyi gordugumu soylemeliyim. Bakalim yeni eeg cekilince degisiklik gorulecek mi?
Facebook a uzak durmaktayim fakat inkar edilemiyecek yararlari var. Adeta kollektif bir beyin, tabii iletisimde olduklarinizin beyinleriyle belirleniyor. Benim kucuk, sınırlı grubum Halısie de faydalı oluyor. Birileri guzel muzikler yukleyince dinlemek, dinletmek guzel . Bugun de bu sekilde Tulin Korman'in nefis sesiyle eski alaturka sarkilar ve cingene muzikleri dinletebildik.
2 yili asan bu surede ortak konularimiz eskiyor, benim icin anilarla ilgili konusma yapmak daha cok gayret istiyor. Yorgunluk ve kaniksamaya karsi mucadele etmek gerekiyor. Hayat yasanmayinca donup kaliyor, daha cok gayret lazim.
Hastanenin deneyimli hemsireleri birer birer gidiyor. Daha cok devlet gorevini tercih ediyorlar. Ayrica calisma saatleri uzun , kosullar yorucu cunku eleman az. Taniyip sevdiklerimizin gitmesi uzucu. Ayrica hasta bakiminda sureklilik daha istenen birsey. Iste bugunku izlenimlerim boyle.

Sunday, April 3, 2011

Degisim/ A Change

Son 3 yildir devamli degismekte olan hayatim tekrar bir donusun esiginde: Yeni bir eve, yeni bir mahalleye tasiniyorum Cuma gunu. Heyecanliyim, cunku bu sefer daha kalici bir his. Ama ayni zamanda cok is var, kutu yapmaktan boyaci cagirmaya kadar.

Bu emlak ve mimari ile ilgili sorular dolu zamanda babamla paylasabilmeyi cok isterdim. Babam binalarin sadece cehresini, gorunusunu, degil adeta ruhunu bilirdi. Tek bakistansonra verdigi otoriter fikri hep tam yerindeydi. Zaten bunun yuzunden tarihi binalardan, modern rezidansa her cesit binaya eli degmis, binlerce saat danismanlik yapmis, belediye koridorlarindan, anitlara, arkadaslarinin salonlarina kariyeri boyunca cozumler uretmisti. Cihangir daha Cihangir cumhuriyeti olmadan, kimse oralardaki binalarin terkedilmis guzelligini farketmizken babam oralarda calismis, kendi parasi yetmese de arkadaslarina onu heyecanlandiran yerleri almaya ikna etmeye calismisti. Simdi binlerce kat degerlenen bu binalar basta onlari ilk farkedenlerden biri olup anlata anlata bitiremeyen babama ufakta olsa bir tesekkur borclari var.

Zorluklarina ragmen en haz aldigi arkadaslarinin evleri ustunde calismakti bence. Bizim aile icin de hep projeleri vardi. Mesela bukuyderedeki yikilan konagi yeniden insa etmek. Bir de Asos yakinlarinda sam fistigi agaclariyla dolu, midilliye tepeden bakan muhtesem ufak bir arsada tek katli tas ev insa etme hayalimiz vardi birlikte. Bana kusursuz cizgisiyle elde cizdigi plan hala duruyor. Umarim birgun geceklestirecegim orayi.

Yeni evimi gormek kadar, eminim bana en kafa karistirici gelen detaylar babama zevk verirdi, mesela yan binadan iceri gelen sizinti, ic odanin duvarlari icin boya secilmesi, hatta kutulari en verimli sekilde paketlemek... En son NY'da malbura gidip 3 saat kaldigi icin ona bayagi takilmistim. O zaman yasadigim ev asansorsuz bir binada 5inci kattaydi. Ne kadar zorluk cekmisti babam. Simdi tasindigimiz ev 1inci katta. Keske gorebilseydi.


My life that has been in constant flux in the last 3 years is about to take another turn: I am moving into a new apartment and a new neighborhood on Friday. I am excited, as this time it all feels more permanent. But there are also a ton of things to do before Friday from packing to getting painters.

I really wish I could share all this with my dad during this period full of architectural and real estate questions. Dad knew about not only the appearance and the aesthetic of the buildings, he knew their souls. His authoritative opinion after one quick look was always spot-on. This is why throughout his career, he touched many types of buildings, from modern residences to old buildings, provided thousands of hours of consultancy, and was resourceful in many areas, from the hallways of the municipality, to the historic buildings council. Before Cihangir became the "Republic of Cihangir," before anyone started paying attention to the abandoned beauty of the old buildings there, my dad took notice, and even if he didn't have the money at the time, tried to convince his friends to buy the buildings that excited him. Those buildings are worth tons more now, and their owners owe a little gratitude to my dad who was one of the first to notice and sing their praises.

Despite the difficulties, I think my dad enjoyed working on his friends' places the most. He also always had real estate projects for our family. For example, rebuilding the old villa in Buyukdere after it collapsed. He and I also fantasized about building a stone house on a beautiful plot full of pistachio trees, overlooking Lesbos and the Northern Aegean. I still have his hand-drawn plan with his immaculate lines. One day I hope to build the building he designed.

I am sure that, as much as seeing my new apartment, my dad would have enjoyed dealing with all the details that are utterly confusing to me, such as the leak that made its way to the basement from the building next door, or choosing the right kind of paint for the interior room, or packing boxes in the most efficient way... Last time he was in NY, I teased him for spending 3 hours at the hardware store. At the time, I lived on the 5th floor of a walk-up building. It was so hard for him. Now, moving into the 1st floor, I wish he could visit.

Nisan yagmurları/ April Rains

Bu sabah uzun aradan sonra yazıyorum. Bunu da hastaneden bloglara gırıs mumkun oldugu icin yapabiliyorum. Ne memleket, evden bloglara girilemiyor, ama hastaneden mumkun. Bu ilkellikler canıma yetti.
Halis'i herzamanki gibi iyi buldum, halbuki surpriz bekliyordum! Saka bir yana bazen ,hastanede olmak iyi geliyor. Bu aralar cok calisiyorum. Patti Smith'in Coluk Cocuk adli kitabi bitti , okurken cok etkilendim. Hem kusak olarak, hem sanat - hayat sarmalini anlatisindaki gerceklik muthisti dogrusu. Ve ne kadar cok okuyup cok calisiyorlar, butun o cilgin yasama temposunda.
Karabey'den mesaj var, Defne ve Cemile Newyork'da bulusmuslar. Dora yasayip bu gunleri gorebilseydi, Halis farkedebilseydi. Cocukluk arkadaslarinin dunyanin obur ucunda bulusmalari Dora'nın deyimile 'muthis' olmustur.
Gelelim gundeme: Hapisteki gazetecilerin biran once
serbest kalmalarini istiyorum. Rahat uyuyamiyorum , bu kadari yetti artik.


THIS morning I am writing again after a very long time because it is possible to log into the blogs from the hospital. What a country! It's forbidden to enter the blogs from homes, but allowed from hospitals... I have had it with these primitive bans.

I found Halis in a good state, as always. But I was expecting a big surprise! Joke aside, it feels good to be in the hospital sometimes.

I am working a lot these days. I just finished Patti Smith's Just Kids which affected me much both about that generation and the art. It was amazing how real she was in the way she talked about the turns in life. And how much they read and work despite the hectic rhythm of their lives.

Karabey sent a note. Cemile and Defne met in NY. If only Dora had lived to see these days, Halis had the consciousness to feel them... Dora would have called "incredible" the way these childhood friends met on the other side of the world.

As for the state of the world: I want the jailed journalists to be freed as soon as possible. I cannot sleep comfortably because of this.